WCW in 2000 is known for its ridiculous, car wreck booking, where wrestlers arbitrarily turned face or heel in SWERVES or when wrestlers “went off script” in worked shoots. Bash at the Beach is infamous for Jeff Jarrett laying down to take a fall for Hogan, followed by Vince Russo's scathing shoot.
But what if wrestling was always that crazy?
This series “Russo is Wrestling” is a Fantasy Booking scenario where, instead of me booking the events as I would, I book them as Vinny Ru would have. So without further ado, let's get started with...
Russo-Mania III
The Can-Am Connection vs Bob Orton & Don Muraco never officially gets started, as Tom Zenk drops from the apron and leaves claiming he's “had enough of this shit.” The match continues as a 2-on-1 handicap match until Tito Santana runs in to join the tag match, but SWERVE Rick Martel takes him out, and Orton, Muraco and Mr. Fuji join Martel in beating Santana down. The three men all raise their arms in the air and leave as a heel stable.
Billy Jack Haynes vs Hercules ends as it did normally, with a double countout, but afterwards, the Heenan Family (Bundy, Harley Race, Greg Valentine & Rick Rude hit the ring and circle the two men but SWERVE they all attack Hercules. It looks as if Billy Jack joined the Heenan Family when SWERVE they attack Bobby Heenan. The crowd is confused as to whether Heenan turned face, Billy Jack turned heel or the Heenan Family turned face. The Heenan Family leaves to no reaction.
Harley Race comes out in street clothes (Bobby Heenan is back with him for some reason) and cuts a worked shoot about how the WWF has mistreated him and made him dress like a goofy king when in NWA he was a ruthless and legendary competitor. Gorilla and Jesse Ventura talk about how he's going off the script. He walks out and right past the Junkyard Dog. The match never happens.
Roddy Piper vs Adrian Adonis is an all out brawl. Halfway through the match, Jimmy Hart nails Piper with the megaphone. This prompts Junkyard Dog to come out with The Killer Bees and they brawl with Jimmy Hart and Adonis. Honky Tonk Man, Jim Neidhart and Danny Davis join the melee, attacking Dog and the Bees. Finally Randy Savage comes to make the save, turning face and getting a massive pop from the audience. He takes out all the heels and then helps Piper up. However, creative forgot that he needed to be a hated heel for his Steamboat match, so they quickly told Steamboat to run to the ring and nail Savage with the ring bell. Steamboat turns heel, but nobody in the crowd buys it. Steamboat then accidentally turns face by helping Piper pin Adonis, and to save the situation, Savage hits Steamboat with the bell, turning heel again.
Bret Hart then faces Davey Boy Smith in a Matilda on a Pole Match. After a run in from Jim Neidhart, Bret retrieves Matillda. (This story later advances to Bret cooking Matilda and feeding her to Davey and Dynamite Kid, leading to a Kennel from Hell tag match between the Bulldogs and the Hart Foundation, which ends in a countout.
Butch Reed and Koko B Ware have a quick match, where midway through, Butch Reed bumps the ref. A second, masked referee comes to the ring and the match continues until Koko hits the brainbuster. Suddenly the masked ref pulls out a taser and stuns Koko, letting Butch Reed get the fall. The ref removes his mask to reveal...
That's right! It's Scott Hall!
The crowd has no idea who he is, and although Monsoon tries his best to sell the swerve, nobody cares because it is Butch Reed and Koko B Ware. (Believe me, if there was any way to turn Koko's parrot Frankie heel, Russo would have thought of it.)
(Two weeks later, Scott Hall is released, and nothing is made of the story)
Ricky Steamboat vs Randy Savage is about to begin when suddenly Steamboat is found injured in the back. George Steele goes to the ring in his place. Curiously, Miss Elizabeth is not at ringside either. Midway through the match, Steamboat appears on a screen,making out with Liz. Savage watches on, pissed. Steamboat says that he faked the injury and revealed that Liz was pregnant with Ricky's son! As Macho is distracted, Steele rolls him up, but Savage kicks out anyway, only to leave the ring and lose by countout as he went backstage to hunt down Steamboat.
Backstage, Savage picks up a chair and waits for Ricky to turn the corner, but Elizabeth does first and Macho Man accidentally blasts her with the chair, causing her to lose her baby. (This segment is aborted by creative at some point, and Macho and Liz are back together on the next edition of Superstars)
The Jake Roberts vs Honky Tonk Man match is a Guitar on a Pole match, which Alice Cooper wins after smashing Honky with a guitar. After the match, Jake hits Cooper with the DDT, turning heel. Rick Martel, Don Muraco and Bob Orton come out and raise Jake's hand. (Jake becomes the leader of this faction, and the others are all given snake-themed names like Copperhead, Viper, and Cobra. The faction lasts until Survivor Series, where they disband and all eliminate each other by DQ and countout)
Sheik and Volkoff defeat the Killer Bees by disqualification after Hacksaw Jim Duggan runs out with the 2x4. He teases hitting the Bees (for some reason. He's a face so nobody understands his heel turn tease) before hitting Iron Sheik. Volkoff then puts Sheik in the bearhug, turning face and joining the Killer Bees, until Jmping Jim Brunzell turns heel, taking out Blair and Volkoff.
The match is then restarted as Sheik & Brunzell vs Blair & Volkoff, which ends in a no contest when SWERVE Duggan takes out all four men, turning heel and leaving with Slick to no crowd reaction.
Finally, we get to the main event. Hulk Hogan takes on Andre the Giant. The match begins as it did, with Andre punishing early on. Eventually, it looks like Andre may be about to hit the big splash, when Heenan SWERVE trips him, followed by a Hogan roll-up. Hogan gets the 3 count, turns heel, and retains the title. A furious Jack Tunney has the match restarted.
This time, there is a ref bump after an accidental Hogan clothesline. Andre hits a butterfly suplex on Hogan and a masked referee (that is ridiculously obviously King Kong Bundy) makes the fast count. Andre wins the title. The referee removes his mask to reveal King Kong Bundy! Literally nobody in the arena is surprised, although Monsoon and Ventura sell the hell out of it. The crowd is more confused than anything. Is Hogan a face or a heel? What is Heenan's role in this? Who writes this crap?
Russo comes out, and says that we are going to leave Wrestlemania with a definitive champion. He orders a no disqualification match to begin immediately. This time, a brawl breaks out when the Heenan Family runs in and attacks Hogan, but Hogan is saved by Randy Savage and JYD. The two factions brawl, resulting in Bobby Heenan taking a chair shot from Savage. Heenan falls on top of Andre, and Dave Hebner counts the pin. Bobby "The Brain" Heenan leaves Pontiac, Michigan with the WWF Title.
Your new WWF Champion
(On the next Superstars, Heenan relinquishes the belt The title bounces between Hogan, Andre and Savage for the next few weeks, until Harley Race makes his return and wins the belt.)
Hope you enjoyed, more editions of Russo is Wrestling to come.
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